Years ago a friend gave me a personal challenge that I have never forgotten. The acronym is TBN, ironic, I know. Speak only if something is:
- True. Am I absolutely certain of the truth of something or is it simply hearsay. I don’t want to be trapped into trying to be the first to know something and getting the word out. Confession, I tend to fall prey to this at times. Don’t speak when 90% assured of truth but 100%.
- Beneficial. How can I make what I am saying redemptive? I shouldn’t just critique without bringing solutions and a means to hope. Is the person I am sharing something with the one who needs to hear it? I shouldn’t be talking to person X about person Y if I have no intent of ever approaching person Y. Even then, the only reason X needs to know is if I am honestly seeking counsel. I have to be super careful here. Most of the time people are seeking sympathy about how someone treated them, not wise counsel as to their response.
- Necessary. Not everything is worth mentioning. What are the ramifications if I don’t say anything?
I am going to focus on this over the next several weeks. In some ways, it might mean that I become much quieter. However, I have found quieter people are usually perceived to be wiser. To be thought of that way would be just fine.
Interesting timing as a friend of mine just asked me to help her with this. This is something I have struggled with and specifically worked on in the past. It is foremost in my mind, before speaking. Often I find, with certain folks and conversations, there truly is nothing to say that would be true, beneficial or necessary. So what I struggle with now is, do I challenge these conversations or just be silent? Overall, I find silence to be golden.
Great minds think a like , I guess. Or maybe it’s something else blowing around in the jet stream that’s dumped so much unusual weather and other things that irritate our allergies on North Texas.
Over the past week or so these very same thoughts have crossed my mind. I,too, decided to obey the prompting to speak less, let those who are “talkers” talk until they are outta breath and just plain comment less. It’s funny how people think there’s something wrong w/you or you are upset w/them about something when you speak less.
I struggled w/challenging those non-TBN conversations just like CMeyer and others. I noticed a decrease in those types of conversations around me when the “talkers” receive more of an ear to bend and less comments from me. To use Jordan’s words, I’m kinda glad that less of that kinda stuff is “clanging around” in my head.